Lift, Squish, Repeat!

I remember way back, when my parents and all their friends were going through all those old people tests, colonoscopies, mammograms, ya know, old people test. Well holy crap, when did I get old? Doctor sent me for a mammogram, yikes! I know, some people think they are no big deal and there are others that will avoid the doc at all cost to not have one. Glenn is doing that to our new family doc, doc wants to do the dreaded prostate check. That doc won't see Glenn EVER AGAIN! lol. Anyway, there I was sitting in a waiting room with no deodorant on, I find that so uncomfortable! I mean, really, how do people live without it? Stink-y! Not that I was, but some people get pretty ripe without it! Okay, sorry got sidetracked, where was I, Oh yeah! Waiting room, Glenn is sitting next to me, for support. Yeah, like he can help the squishing that is gonna happen. They call my name and in I go. The lady (thank God, it is a lady), starts to ask me questions, family history of breast cancer, no. Is this routine, yes, Do you have implants, I say thank you, and realize that wasn't what she was looking for and I say no. Next she gives me a robe and like 10 minutes to get undressed. 10 minutes? I need like 30 seconds, I have kids, I have it down to a science. She comes back in and has me stand at this contraption that has way too many sharp edges for me. I look at her and pray that her hands are warm, she has me lean in and there she goes, lifting one of the girls. Now, I have told myself that it is a procedure, no big deal, but come on! Another woman is holding one of my girls! So here she goes, let the squishing begin, and ya know what? The pain isn't horrible. I'm thinking, this is OK. Minimal pain for great preventive measures. I am feeling pretty good, one down, the other to go. Same procedure, lean, lift, squish, and HOLY HELL!  What was that? That one hurt! I would have hit the tech if she wasn't safely behind a window, menacingly pushing that button. As the stars that are flashing in front of my eyes go away, I realize that she is finished. I look rather dazed as she leaves me to get dressed This takes a little longer than undressing, and I am looking at my Victoria Secrets, thinking, maybe I should just pocket them cos my girls don't need anymore lifting today. Just let them be!! Still dazed, and with Vicky in my pocket, I leave the room and realize I have no idea on how to escape this torture chamber. After finally finding the exit, Glenn takes me home and I realize, my doctor may never see me again either!
P.S. The results were good! :)