Here is Where I Live: Lift, Squish, Repeat!

Here is Where I Live: Lift, Squish, Repeat!: "I remember way back, when my parents and all their friends were going through all those old people tests, colonoscopies, mammograms, ya know..."

Lift, Squish, Repeat!

I remember way back, when my parents and all their friends were going through all those old people tests, colonoscopies, mammograms, ya know, old people test. Well holy crap, when did I get old? Doctor sent me for a mammogram, yikes! I know, some people think they are no big deal and there are others that will avoid the doc at all cost to not have one. Glenn is doing that to our new family doc, doc wants to do the dreaded prostate check. That doc won't see Glenn EVER AGAIN! lol. Anyway, there I was sitting in a waiting room with no deodorant on, I find that so uncomfortable! I mean, really, how do people live without it? Stink-y! Not that I was, but some people get pretty ripe without it! Okay, sorry got sidetracked, where was I, Oh yeah! Waiting room, Glenn is sitting next to me, for support. Yeah, like he can help the squishing that is gonna happen. They call my name and in I go. The lady (thank God, it is a lady), starts to ask me questions, family history of breast cancer, no. Is this routine, yes, Do you have implants, I say thank you, and realize that wasn't what she was looking for and I say no. Next she gives me a robe and like 10 minutes to get undressed. 10 minutes? I need like 30 seconds, I have kids, I have it down to a science. She comes back in and has me stand at this contraption that has way too many sharp edges for me. I look at her and pray that her hands are warm, she has me lean in and there she goes, lifting one of the girls. Now, I have told myself that it is a procedure, no big deal, but come on! Another woman is holding one of my girls! So here she goes, let the squishing begin, and ya know what? The pain isn't horrible. I'm thinking, this is OK. Minimal pain for great preventive measures. I am feeling pretty good, one down, the other to go. Same procedure, lean, lift, squish, and HOLY HELL!  What was that? That one hurt! I would have hit the tech if she wasn't safely behind a window, menacingly pushing that button. As the stars that are flashing in front of my eyes go away, I realize that she is finished. I look rather dazed as she leaves me to get dressed This takes a little longer than undressing, and I am looking at my Victoria Secrets, thinking, maybe I should just pocket them cos my girls don't need anymore lifting today. Just let them be!! Still dazed, and with Vicky in my pocket, I leave the room and realize I have no idea on how to escape this torture chamber. After finally finding the exit, Glenn takes me home and I realize, my doctor may never see me again either!
P.S. The results were good! :)

Made in Detroit

Being a Misplaced Eastsider, I never saw myself  as a Detroiter. Sure, we all have a little in us, it's in the water, but Detroit stops at 8 Mile, and I have lived my whole life North of 8 Mile. But leave it to an elementary field trip for me to find out exactly what people think of you, well Eastsiders anyway. It started innocently enough, field trip with the 5th graders. Yea, I know! A field trip in the winter. Not my thing, but couldn't say no to the 5th grader giving me puppy dog eyes. And since he knows ZERO parents at this new school, I couldn't say no and had to chaperon. Anyway, here I was snowshoeing across a field with 25 little people, teacher, guide and  parents, mom's to be exact. Somewhere along the minimal conversation I had with the other mom's, I must have mentioned that we were new to this side of the state. Not a big surprise cos I think I mention it like everyday to someone, lol. This mom asks me why did we move to Here. I say, hubby's job is in Here. She lowers her eyes and asks me, why didn't you move to There, or to OverThere, cos she tells me that the schools in those cities are amazing and one of the best in the nation. I already knew this from all the time I had to research us moving to Here. I tell her, it's cos my poor husband was driving three hours one way to work every week and a 10 minute drive to work in Here was better than a 30 minute drive for There or OverThere. (That was his argument, and after him commuting across the state, I wasn't fighting that fight!) Guess she doesn't get it but I do. Me, being very nonconfrontational my whole life, look back at her and say, why are your kids at school in Here (ha!). Then I get the whole divorced, moved, kids stay in Here story. I am feeling pretty good after my zinged question and have been doing the happy dance in head since I asked it, we finished snowshoeing and lunch and standing back outside in the snow, I get asked, Where did you move from? I say X. She looks at me and says, ya know to us, it's all Detroit, Dearborn, Farmington Hills, where ever, it is all Detroit. WHAT!? That's what they think?  I can see she has just figured out why we moved to Here and not There or OverThere, cos I am and will always be a Detroiter! Well, that works for me. I love the city, all the good things anyway, Greektown, casinos, waterfront, Red Wings, Lions, and Tigers. You can take a girl away from the Eastside, but the Eastside stays in the girl. After all, I was made in Detroit!

Snowed In

Welcome to Here! So close to Lake Michigan that snow has taken on a whole new meaning. Have you heard of Lake Effect Snow? I had, sure, living by Lake St. Clair can result in lake effect snow, but not Lake Effect Snow. Lake Effect Snow is insane! It snows, then snows some more and then Jinkies Batman! Even more! Wow!  It is so pretty and fluffy that it is like living in a snow globe. Luckily I don't get dizzy when Mother Nature shakes that globe, because she shakes it a lot. Step back and look at my house (can you see it?  It is covered in piles of snow)  notice the awesome icicles? They are pretty wicked! Ours make the house look like it has shiny shark teeth, really sharp shark teeth. Pretty and not deadly at all. When they drop from the roof, they make a lot of noise, but they time themselves  to not fall on anyone. Luckily I don't get jealous, cos some other houses have icicles hanging from their roof to the ground. Pretty amazing! Our deck is a massive snow pillow. I am thinking about making a snow angle in the middle of it, or maybe have the kids. It is cold out there. I sure hope that the deck can support the 12 inches of snow it has on it. It must be pretty strong. Let's go check out the lake, it is amazing covered in ice. There are a few crazy people fishing out there. Do they catch frozen fish? Hm? The hills and sand dunes are covered in snow and ready for the kids. Great for sledding or snowshoeing or even skiing. No sledding for me, would bruise my tailbone! Trust me I would or fall walking back up the hill, I am rather clumsy. Hm? What to do, what to do. Oh I know!  I am gonna sit right here in front of my nice warm fireplace, warm my ice cubed toes, drink some mulled wine and watch Mother Nature turn that globe one more time. Really, she can stop any day now, this stuff will be with us til May!

Only Here...

Misplaced Eastsider, yep that's me! I grew up on the east side of Michigan, north of Detroit, so when my husband moved my butt to the west side of Michigan, (almost directly across the state), I was (and still am) in cultural shock. I know, I know, resort area, distracted drivers, and all that, but in the winter? Wasn't ready for that. I have seen some crazy things in the past few months. My typical drive to the store, well not typical, but close goes like this!  I start out in my car, Lucy, and clutch the wheel at 10 and 2. Well, maybe not 10 and 2, but more like 6, but with the wheel so cold, it's like with one finger. Anyway, I start out to the store. There are a lot of 4 way stops out here. Isn't there a rule about who goes first if ya all get there at the same time? Not sure about Here, it's whoever goes, goes. So I make it thru the 4 way and only get dirty looks from the mailman who decided it was his turn, not mine. (It wasn't). Heading towards me down the street and stopping is a school bus, red lights flashing. Did you know that it is OK to pass a school bus with its red lights flashing, yep just saw it. Two cars went around the bus. Yikes! Continue after the bus is done and there is a UPS truck, stopped in the right lane. Sitting behind it is a car, waiting for the UPS truck to move. Hey buddy! The UPS guy is at the front door! Go around! Guess not, but it was ok to pass the bus. HM? Ok speed limit says 45 mph. Ok, why is the guy in front of me doing 30? I'll just pass him. Where the heck did that guy behind me come from, he must be doing 70! Ok store is right ahead of me, gotta get into the turn lane, wait! Why is that car turning in front of me from the traffic lane? Geez! Almost took out Lucy! Ok almost to the store light is green, why did that car stop? Is there a ambulance? Nope. Um! Hello! We just sat thru a green light. Gotta find a parking spot. Heading down the aisle, whoa! Where did that car come from? Never saw someone cut thru multiple lanes in between parked cars. Ok, I better slow down, don't wanna get hit. Oh! Parking spot! Turn Lucy in the spot and put the car in park. Across from me is a car so covered in snow, how the heck did it drive here? I really don't want to drive home, think I can sleep at Target?